Magically Delicious
by balticwoman
Summary: A Yale student is sucked into BtVS as Buffy's 7 year old sister. Hijinks ensue as she heads for LA.
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: All bow down to the great Joss Whedon. Hail.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Jen Wood was a devout Buffy fan…or so she thought. Mwahahahahahahahahaha.

            Jen rolled over in bed, making a little yawnie sound as she did.  If she was lucky, she'd be able to squeeze in another hour of sleep before she had to sit through the chemistry lecture from Hades.  

            "Rise and shine, sleepy head," a gentle voice called from the doorway.  Jen was confused, wondering just how much her roommate, Katrina, had had to drink the night before.  Sleepy head was so third grade, and Katrina had goth tendencies that basically precluded any sentence that didn't have the words horrifying, deep, or dead squirrel in it.  

            "Time to get up, Callie-girl," the voice continued, sounding pretty darn happy.  How anyone could be that chipper before a chemistry lecture, Jen wasn't sure, and what was with the Callie thing?

            "Go away," she mumbled, tossing a pillow in the voice's general direction.  

            "Callie," the voice said, giggling in surprise.  Then Jen knew something was wrong.  Katrina never, ever giggled.  Cackled maybe, but not so much so with the giggling.  She opened her mind and said the first thing that came to mind when she saw the blonde girl standing in front of her.

            "You're not Katrina," she said.  "You're Sarah Michelle Gellar."  Something was definitely odd she thought, quickly followed in her mind by a chorus of "thank you, Captain Obvious." 

            "What are you talking about sweetie?  You're not making much with the sense."  Jen couldn't believe that SMG really talked like that.  She had always been under the impression that the only people who talked like that were those Buffyverse peeps controlled by Joss and clever, clever writing people who spent all day thinking up cute little quips.  Then, something else struck her as slightly strange.  

            "Why is my voice so small?" she asked.  "I sound like a four year old."

            "Honey," Buffy replied, "you're seven."  Jen looked at her hands.  They were little hands.  She looked at her nightgown.  It had cows on it.   What kind of nineteen year old wore cow pajamas?  She jumped to her feet.

            "No standing on the bed, Callie," Buffy said quickly.  "You know that.  What is up with you this morning?"  Jen had seen enough episodes of Buffy to realize that she and the Buffyesque girl in front of her definitely weren't operating on the same page, and she, for one, wasn't about to spend an entire hour trying to straighten out the cute little mix up.  

            "Who are you?" she asked, secretly knowing the answer.

            "I'm Buffy," the girl replied.  

            "The vampire slayer?" Jen asked sarcastically.

            "You know you're not supposed to talk about that, Callie.  It's a secret.  No one can know your big sister fights demons, right?"  Now, Jen was very confused.

            "You don't have a sister named Callie," she replied.  Buffy rolled her eyes.

            "Of course I do," she said, "silly."  

            "Uh, no you don't," Jen said.  "You have one sister, and you've only had her for two seasons."  Now, Buffy was confused.  

            She put her hand to Jen's forehead.  "No fever," she said under her breath.  Great, thought Jen, I've been sucked into a TV show, and I don't get even get a cool part.  I'm seven, I can't convince Buffy that I'm really not, and she doesn't even know that she doesn't have a little sister named Callie.  Darn Joss Whedon.

            "Now what I'm going to say may sound kind of strange," Jen said in her kid voice.  "I'm not your little sister.  You don't have a baby sister.  In fact, you're not even real.  You're a character on a television show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

            Buffy scoffed.  "What kind of name is that?  No one would ever name a television series that.  That's like calling Dawson's Creek 'Dawson the mopey annoying guy with bad hair who can't decide whether or not he wants Joey.'."  

            "Listen to me Buffy, I'm not your little sister," Jen tried to explain but Buffy cut her off.

            "Are you still mad I wouldn't let you watch The Wizard of Oz with us last night?  You know how those munchkins scare you."  

            "Seriously, I'm not your little sister.  I'm a nineteen year old freshman at Yale University."  Jen's voice was really high pitched, and even to her it sounded funny.  "And why the hell would I be scared of munchkins?"

            "Callie Beth!" Buffy scolded.  "You know better than using words like that.  Now get up.  We have to go to the Magic Box to meet with Miss Anya and see how she's doing."

            "I'm telling you, I'm not Callie, and I am nineteen years old." 

Buffy's eyes twinkled.  "Then what is your name?" she asked, clearly humoring Jen.

"Jen Wood," she replied.  

"Well, Jen, I need you to come with me to the Magic Box so get up and I'll fix you some Lucky Charms."  Jen decided that she would have to wait until someone else who would listen to her was around before she could fully explain the situation.

"Whatever," she replied.

"You've been hanging around Dawn too long," Buffy said.  Jen got up and got dressed, impressed with her clothing selection.  For a seven year old, she had some pretty chic clothes, but then again, everyone on Buffy dressed sharply.

She went downstairs and had a bowl of Lucky Charms and planned her strategy for convincing the Scooby Gang that she really was a nineteen year old Yale student and not a seven year old sister of Buffy's.  The Lucky Charms were magically delicious.

TBC…(if I get enough reviews)   


	2. College Students Never Look

DISCLAIMER: Joss owns everything except for Callie and Jen Wood.

Magically Delicious: Chapter Two: College Students don't look before crossing the street

            Jen couldn't get over two things: how small she was, and how cutesy Sunnydale was, for the mouth of Hell at least.  She wondered briefly where exactly Sunnydale was, seeing as how her friend, Sara, had informed her that in California, there was no place called Sunnydale.  Sunnyvale? Yes.  Sunnydale? No.  Jen stared up at Buffy.  She looked pretty pre-occupied.  Then again, Jen figured that she was probably a little bit stressed about the whole Anya-committed-mass-murder thing.  As far as Jen was concerned, no harm was done.  Anya had taken it back, and it wasn't as if anyone REAL had died.  

            Buffy let go of Jen's hand, which was a good thing because her shoulder was starting to ache from holding her hand so far above her head.  The funny thing was, she had always thought SMG was so tiny.  Apparently, Buffy's non-existent little sister (part two) was like a mini-Buffy, very very ridiculously, ridiculously tiny and cute.  

            Damn I'm cute, thought Jen, remembering the long blonde hair and baby blues that made her the number one contestant in the aww-look-at-me-and-do-my-will-cause-I've-got-everyone-wrapped-around-my-little-finger contest.  She was hoping not to have to resort to using that in her favor, but if logic didn't work, she had a few tricks up her sleeves.

            Seeing the magic box, Jen immediately started walking across the street.  At Yale, all of the drivers hated the pedestrians, and Jen might as well have has a target painted on her chest, but she had still never looked before crossing the street because all college students had a magic force field surrounding their bodies and the cars always stopped a few feet/inches shy of hitting them.  

            Unfortunately, the Sunnydale drivers were not so inclined.  Jen froze when she saw the car barreling towards her, like a deer in the headlights.  She didn't even scream.  A microsecond later, she felt herself thrown out of the way of the car.  She breathed a sigh of relief until she saw the look on Buffy's face.  Uh-oh.  

            "CALLIE ELIZABETH SUMMERS!"  Jen wasn't sure on the parenting protocol because she didn't have a middle name, but she was pretty sure that the whole Elizabeth thing did not bode well for her.  The shouting was another clue.  Again with the Uh-oh.  Buffy grabbed her by the shoulders.  "What were you doing?  You know better than to cross the street without holding my hand!  And what happened to looking both ways?!"

            "College students never look," Jen replied, realizing on a subconscious level that that wasn't possibly the brightest thing she could have said.

            "That's it," Buffy said, dragging her into the magic box.  Jen definitely didn't like the sound of that.  Being a little kid sucked.  She was very hopeful that Buffy had a strict anti-violence policy with regards to little kids, because she looked mad enough to spit nails.  

            "Buffy," Anya said as the two of them came into the shop.  To Jen she sounded pleasantly surprised.  Jen then saw Xander standing a few feet away from Anya.  She surmised that he was checking up on her too, in his own particular way.  "How nice of you to drop by and interrupt us not having sex," Anya said.  Then she noticed Jen/Callie standing there.  "Oh, I mean there's no such thing as sex, only kissing and holding hands."  She smiled enthusiastically, but Jen could see signs of strain behind her eyes.  

            "If there's no such thing as sex, what do guys think about when they see naked girls?"  Jen was starting to think that maybe she was seven years old.  Everything she thought came flying out of her mouth.

            The three adults stared at her, and Jen realized that she had just reminded Buffy that she had to do something about her little sister.  "Excuse me," Buffy said to Xander and Anya.  Somehow, Jen didn't think that Xander minded at all.  Anya looked a little nervous.  Buffy picked Jen up, which felt really weird since she hadn't been picked up in a really long time, and set her down on the counter, looking at her in the eyes.

            "You are going to sit here and think about how you're not going to run into streets or talk about sex anymore," Buffy said, doing a very good imitation of a stern mother.  

            "But," Jen said, trying to explain that she really did need some help getting home.  

            "No buts," said Buffy.  "You're in time out."  Jen tried again, but everyone in the room ignored her, even Anya and Xander, though Anya had a hard time at it at first.

            "Anya, I need your help," Jen said, "I'm not a little kid."

            "I don't see or hear you, annoying small person," Anya said, "because Buffy has taken you out of the fabrics of time with the so called 'time out.'  If you ask me, she's doing a pretty shoddy job of it because I can still hear your little girl voice.  Children should be seen and not heard, unless they're giving me compliments."

            "An," said Xander, "I don't think that counts as ignoring her."  Then everyone refused to speak to her, and Jen sat quietly on the counter, trying to think of a way to get home, where college students never looked before crossing the streets, but never got time outs. 


	3. Crayola Calculus

DISCLAIMER The Buffy people are the intellectual property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, and the WB

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  If you read this, please review it even if it's just a smile or frowny face… I just need to know if anyone is at all interested.

            Buffy finally relented and allowed "Callie" some paper and a crayon to play with while she talked with Anya and Xander.  Jen looked at the purple crayon, wondering what in the world she could do with it to convince Buffy that she wasn't making things up.  You'd think if someone had been the slayer for seven years, they'd figure out that if their little sister started talking about being a Yale student, maybe she really was.  It wasn't as if it was the weirdest thing that had ever happened in Sunnydale.

            Jen picked up the crayon and started writing down simple calculus problems.  The integral from zero to infinity of 1/x =lnx, rotated around the x axis to form a three-dimensional shape whose volume was…

            "What are you drawing, Callie?" Buffy asked nicely, glad that her sister was playing so quietly and not talking about sex.  

            "I'm doing complex integration to find the volume of the solid created by rotating the equation y=1/x over the x-axis."  Her voice was tiny and high pitched, with the smallest possible lisp on the word 'axis.'  Buffy looked at her strangely.  "It's calculus," Jen explained.  "I told you I'm a Yale student trapped in a seven year old body."

            Xander patted the top of her head.  "What an imagination," he said.  "Imagine thinking that little squiggly 's' sign was a math thing-a-ma-jig."  Jen realized that the people in the magic shop weren't exactly in with the knowing of the calculus.

            "I need Willow," Jen said.  Buffy shook her head.

            "She's in meditation today," Buffy replied.  "She'll be by the house in a couple of hours, but if you want, we'll save your pretty 'calculus' and she can look at it when we see her."  Buffy put the paper in her purse, and Callie/Jen sighed deeply.  What else could she possibly do to convince them that she wasn't seven?

            "Hey Anya," she said.  Anya looked at her.  "I don't want to sleep with the bar maid because she has wide hips, like a Baltic woman.  You have narrow hips, like a Baltic woman from a slightly more arid region."  It was the only quote from the show that Jen could remember that "Callie" wouldn't have under any circumstances heard about.  Anya started crying.

            "Devil bunny child," she shrieked through her tears at Jen.  Xander comforted her, not really understanding what was wrong, but figuring that Anya had an excuse to be a little on edge.          Buffy hated to ask, but she had to.  "Guys, can you watch Callie for a few minutes while I run and meet with Principal Wood really quick?"  She hated having to ask with Anya in tears, but if she had learned one thing in the past year, it was that asking for help was essential to making with the not-craziness.

            "Sure," Xander said, his arm still around Anya's shoulder.  Anya shot Callie a mistrustful look.  Jen groaned, wondering why in the world Anya hadn't explained why she was crying.  This was quickly becoming one of those episodes that made Jen think that the writers were dumb and didn't think things through properly.

            Buffy left, and Callie waited until Xander and Anya were sufficiently occupied with each other.  Then she crept stealthily out of the Magic Box, heading for the bus station.  If Buffy wouldn't believe her, then maybe Angel would.  She was hopeful that there wasn't some sort of crossover-preventative force field in between Sunnydale and L.A.  

            Well, she thought finally, at least I have a good excuse for missing chem lecture, and an even better excuse to see David Boreanaz in a tight black shirt, in person.             


	4. Los Angeles Adventure

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone except for Jen/Callie, and all of the "Yale" characters.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for everyone who reviewed.  I love you guys!  Please keep reviewing or I won't have any reason to finish the story!

            Jen was very satisfied with herself when she stepped off the bus and into the Los Angeles sunshine.  She had managed to subvert the system… no one suspected a seven year old of coming up with a complex plan for running away from home.  A couple of mothers with children gave her an odd look, but she just stared straight ahead.

            "Where's your mommy, honey?" the ticket lady asked her, a boom box playing in the background.  Jen was about to tell the woman that her mother was around the corner and she was a big girl who got to buy the tickets, but the woman was distracted when her manager came and turned off the boom box.

            "Now, why can't I play my music?" the woman asked, irate.  The manager was suspiciously silent, but the music stayed off.

            Jen crept onto the bus, and before she knew it, she was standing at the bus stop a few blocks from the Hyperion Hotel.  After asking for directions, she carefully made her way to the hotel and cautiously opened the door.

            "Callie?" Angel said, looking around for Buffy.  "Where's your sister?"

            "Uh," Jen replied, "she's not here.  I took the bus."  

            "What?!"  Angel freaked out.  A seven year old, traveling all that way by herself.  Jen didn't like the worried/perturbed expression that was quickly taking over his face.  She didn't think she could take it if someone else tried to put her in time out.  

            "Listen Angel," Callie/Jen started, cursing the small wispy voice that lisped and made her sound like she was seven, "I'm not Callie, and I need your help.  I'm a freshman at Yale University, and this is all a television show, and I have to get back to my own world.  Buffy wouldn't believe me, so I came to you for help."

            Angel frowned at the small girl.  "You ran away from Buffy?  That was bad, Callie, bad."  Apparently, Angel was confusing small girls with dogs.  Bad Callie.

            "My name is Jen Wood," she tried to explain.  "I can do calculus, I speak Spanish fluently, and I could talk to you for fifteen minutes at least on German Expressionist film.  I really am a Yale student.  If you don't believe me, get Fred.  I'll do some physics for her."  Angel frowned at the child.  She had never met Fred.  Something wasn't quite right.

            "First thing is first," he said.  "You sit here and drink some milk while I call Buffy."  He poured her a glass of milk.  Kids were supposed to drink lots of milk, weren't they?  

            "You can't call Buffy.  She doesn't believe me and she'll just be pissed."

            Angel gave the child a hard look, knowing that that word was not supposed to be coming out of her mouth, but what could he do?  "Language," he reminded her sharply, feeling like a complete fool.

            Jen threw her little body at Angel, wishing that she was in a grown up body, because he was actually very hot, and… nevermind.  "You can't call."  She held onto his leg as he walked over to the phone.  He didn't so much as pause.

            "Buffy?"  Jen hated only being able to hear one side of the conversation.

            "Buff, Callie's here.  She took the bus.  Yeah, she's fine."  Pause.  Pause.  Callie heard screaming on the other end of the phone.  "Right now?  Well, she's holding onto my leg and trying to convince me that she's really a Yale student.  I thought it was kind of cute."  More yelling, and then Angel started back tracking.  "You're right, definitely not cute.  Sure."  He held the phone out to Callie.  "She wants to talk to you."

            Jen shook her head vehemently.  Angel held the phone up to her ear anyway.  "She's there, Buffy," he shouted, feeling ridiculous.  Again.  Jen was knocked back by the anger and worry in the slayer's voice.

            "Callie.  Answer me.  Now."  

            "I'm here," she replied in a teeny tiny voice.  "But my name is Jen Wood.  Why won't you believe that?"

            "Listen to me, little girl, if you so much as mention one more thing to anyone about this Yale nonsense or do ANYTHING but sit quietly and do what Angel asks until I get there, you won't be able to sit straight for a week."  Jen hoped she wasn't saying what she thought she was saying.  And yet… she was.  Being a little kid was sucking more and more with each passing moment.

            "Do you understand me?"  Jen didn't reply.

            "Callie, I better hear something from you by the time I count to three.  One." Pause.  "Two."  Pause Pause.

            "I understand," Jen said, not wanting to make her angrier than she already was.  "I don't like it, but I understand."  

            "Put Angel back on the phone."  Angel took the phone back, and Jen was re-sentenced to listening to just one side of the conversation.  

            "Yeah, I'll let you know if she does.  You're going to what?  Don't you think that's a little… whatever you say.  You want me to what?  Buffy, I don't think that that will be necessary.  Sure.  Yeah."  Jen groaned.  Angel was so clearly still Buffy-whipped.  He finally hung up the phone.

            "She's mad," Jen said, feeling justified at stating the obvious since she was only supposed to be seven.  Angel nodded.

            "Really mad," he replied.  "I think you'll survive with your hide intact if you don't mention anything else about this Yale thing.  I'll have to tell her if you do."  Jen sighed.  She had a little over an hour to either run away from the hotel or convince Angel that she was telling the truth.  She knew only that she definitely did not want to be there when Buffy got there.

            Jen shrugged, wishing Angel would leave so she could try to find someone else who might help her, even if she had to go looking for Wesley.  Angel recognized the look on her face.  "Callie-girl, if you try to run off again, I'll spank you myself."  He gave her a mean look.  She shivered.  Being a little kid sucked a lot.  

            "Is Fred here?" she asked in a pathetic voice.  Angel nodded.  "Can I talk to her?"  Angel shrugged.

            "Sure, as long as you don't say anything about 'Yale.'  I'm sure Fred would love talking to you."  Jen swallowed hard.  She hoped that Fred would believe her once she saw the calculus and physics.  Otherwise, her future was looking very bleak.  Not only was she stuck in a television show, she was stuck in one where the other characters kept threatening to repeatedly smack her bottom.  Could things get any worse?    


	5. Quantum Spoilers

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone but Callie/Jen.  

Author's note: Okay, I've become an evil writer who gets so caught up in reading other people's stuff that I never write anything of my own.  Since a few of you requested another chapter, I'm obliging, but if you want to see any more, review please.  P.S.  Gidgetgirl is my serious-fic hero, even though I read her stuff instead of writing my own.  I'm thinking of seeing if she wants to do a Hopie/Callie crossover.  What do you guys think?  My random fic hero is the original Fruitcake…hehehe, I guess I'm a little bit of a fruitcake too.

Magically Delicious: Finally Another Chapter

            Fred looked at the pint-sized blonde girl who was staring up at her with big eyes.

            "Hello," Fred said.  "Who are you?"

            Callie cast a furtive look at Angel before she replied.  "Callie," she said sullenly.  "Callie Summers."

            Lorne peered at the girl from the other end of the room.  "As in Miss Buffy Dead-again-live-again-make-Angel-cakes-Broody Summers?"

            Callie nodded.  "Yup.  Although I have a feeling she's going to die soon because Sarah doesn't want to do the show another year."

            Angel gave her a suspicious look.

            "Nevermind," she muttered.  Then she giggled for good measure, lulling Angel into a sense of oh-she's-just-a-little-girl-contentment.  Jen tried to think of a way to subtly convince Fred of her predicament without Angel figuring her out.

            "So Fred," Jen said in her tiny, lispy Callie voice, "how bout that quantum mechanics?"

            Fred looked at the little girl.

            Gunn peered at her too.  "Don't get her started," Gunn advised.

            "Willow must have been teaching her some stuff," Angel commented.  Jen sighed a very deep sigh and tried again.

            "I really like it how energy is quantized into photons, but you know what's really neat?  The way that Force equals mass times acceleration, where acceleration is the derivative of velocity with respect to time."  She lisped noticeably on the word velocity.

            Fred looked at her.  "How old are you, sweetheart?" she asked.

            "Seven," Callie replied, batting her eyes innocently at Angel.  "I like physics.  Will you play physics with me?"  Fred went to get some paper.

            Jen/Callie picked up the pencil Fred handed her and started integrating acceleration to get the total distance traveled.  "You know what really is cool?  String Theory."

            Fred peered at Callie.  Something was definitely wrong here.  The little girl was staring at her pointedly.  Jen took the pencil and took a chance.  

            _I'm a Yale student trapped somehow in this body.  Nobody believes me.  I can also do calculus.  Please help._

_            Angel stared at her suspiciously.  She hoped he wouldn't offer her another glass of milk.  He seemed to think that kids should drink milk as often as they consumed oxygen.  _

            "Well isn't that cute!" Fred exclaimed.  "She can do calculus based mechanical physics!  And she thinks she's a Yale student."  Fred patted Callie absent mindedly on the head.  Angel gave Callie a you-know-I-have-to-tell-your-sister-on-you look.  

            "Is everybody here completely insane?" Jen ranted.  "Sure, Angel can have a baby who comes back a month later sixteen and then turns eighteen six months after that so he can sleep with Cordy…"

            "WHAT?!" Gunn said.

            "… and Lorne can be kidnapped by some goons in Las Vegas, and heck, Gunn sold his soul for a truck and Fred was obsessed with tacos for the longest time, but OH NO, I could not _possibly be a Yale student.  That's just a little __too crazy."  _

            "I-g-n-o-r-e," Angel spelled out, remembering that Buffy's mom used to do that to Callie when she was two and having a tantrum.

            "A-n-a-c-h-r-o-n-i-s-t-i-c much?"  Callie said.  "I've been able to spell for a long time."

            A look of comprehension dawned on Gunn's face.  Finally, Jen thought, somebody gets it.

            "Cordy slept with Connor," he said.  "Now that's just wrong."

            Jen groaned, "I forgot you guys won't find that out until January.  Sorry."  She heard Buffy enter the hotel downstairs, and her big baby blues opened very wide.  Things were not boding well for her.  They were not boding well for her at all.

TBC… if you guys let me know you want to see more!


	6. Allusion

Disclaimer: I own no one except for Jen/ Callie.  

Author's Note: Star, are you out there?  And anyone else who's still reading, let me know!

Magically Delicious: Chapter Six

            Jen's heart started racing.  The last thing she wanted to do was face off against a slayer.  In her own body, she wouldn't stand a chance, but in the body of a seven year old, she was doomed.  Being spanked by an angry Buffy was not on the top of her list of things to do today.  Getting home, chemistry and all, was.

            Angel excused himself to go talk to Buffy, telling Gunn and Fred to keep a close eye on Callie.  Jen immediately eluded their grasps and followed Angel to the top of the stairs, figuring that eavesdropping was her seven year old prerogative. 

            "Where is she?" Buffy asked worriedly.  "She's still here, isn't she?  She's all right?"  Jen felt a little guilty for making her sister worry until she remembered that Buffy wasn't her sister.  Arrrg, she thought, I'm losing my memories.  She chanted the Greek alphabet slowly to herself.  Alpha.  Beta. Gamma. Delta.

            "She's fine," Angel said.  "She's upstairs with Gunn and Fred."

            Buffy's face relaxed.  "I'm going to kill her," Buffy replied.  "She's all right, so I'm going to kill her."

            Epsilon, thought Jen.

            "Now, luv, don't you think that's a bit harsh?"  Jen recognized the British voice.  Spike.  

            Buffy sighed.  "I don't actually want to kill her.  I don't want to do anything, but she's my responsibility and she could have gotten herself killed."  Buffy turned from Spike to Angel.  "How has she been since she's been here?"

            Angel looked down.  He really didn't want to rat Callie out.  The slayer was so strong, and Callie was such a little girl.

            "I can tell by the look on your face that she did something," Buffy said.  "Spill it, soul-boy."

            Zeta.  Eta.  Theta.  Jen continued running through the Greek alphabet in her head as Angel snitched on her.

            "Callie!" Buffy bellowed, steadying herself, knowing that she would have to make good on her threat and wishing that she had never made it in the first place.

            Jen poked her head out to where it was visible to the people in the lobby.  "Hi."  There just didn't seem to be anything else to say.  

            Callie ran back to the room with Fred, Gunn, and Lorne, desperately looking for an ally.

            "I need help!" she said earnestly.  "I swear I'm a Yale student trapped in this body, and if one of you doesn't help me, Buffy's going to spank me."  The others looked at her awkwardly.

            "Hey," Gunn said.  "You step out of line and your butt belongs to your parents.  It's the way it is."

            Jen gave him a dirty look.  "I thought you were an orphan," she said.  Gunn looked as though he was remembering something.

            "Yeah, well…" his explanation trailed off.

            Buffy entered the room, with Angel and Spike close on her heels.  Jen took a chance on the one person in the room who hadn't dismissed her yet.  "Spike!" she cried, launching herself at him, hugging his leg.  Spike was a definite softy with the young girl.

            "Hello, half-bit," he said.  "Been up to some mischief, have you?"

            Jen nodded seriously.  "Don't let Buffy get me," she said, letting tears well up in her big eyes.  Spike looked toward the slayer helplessly.

            "Now, Buffy, the half bit didn't mean anything by it…" Buffy rolled her eyes in disgust.  Spike was such a pushover for the tears in big blue eyes trick.

            "Callie Elizabeth," Buffy said.  "You and I have something to settle."  She pushed past Spike and grabbed Callie's arm, leading her out of the room and toward another bedroom.

            She cast one last furtive look at Spike, Angel, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne.

            Suddenly, Callie smacked her forehead with her free hand.  Why hadn't she thought of it before?  Lorne.  "I touch the fire and it freezes me," she said, singing the first song that came to her mind, forgetting that it came from the Buffy Musical Soundtrack.  "I look into it and it's bla-ack."  She sang louder, hoping Lorne would hear.  

Buffy stared at her for a moment, remembering the cute little song and dance number Callie had done when Sweet had been in town.  Why did Callie have to be so little and cute and defenseless?  This was going to be hard.  She kept telling herself that Callie could have been killed, and thinking of the danger re-ignited her anger.

She pulled Callie into the room and shut the door behind them.

"Well great jumping horse radishes and white rayon-spandex blend tights!" Lorne said.  "She _is a Yale student!"_

TBC… do the Angel peeps catch Buffy in time?  Stay tuned… 


	7. Harvard Thuckth!

DISCLAIMER: I only own Jen/Callie and the right to make fun of Harvard.  I also own Carlos.

DISCLAIMER 2: Harvard sucks, but Yale sucks better.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Sorry that it's been so long since my last update…I've been working on another story "Crazy I was Crazy Once," which takes a long time to write.  If you keep reviewing, I'll try to update more often.  

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2:  Buy Girl Scout Cookies.  They're yummy.

            Lorne threw open the door, just in time to see Jen valiantly struggling against Buffy.  Buffy looked up, picking the little girl up easily with one arm.

            "Lorne," she said, "I'm kind of busy here."  Jen-Callie wriggled in her arms, whimpering softly.

            "Hate to break it to you, Buffy cakes," Lorne said, flashing the slayer a smile, "but the little ankle biter there is telling the truth.  She is a Yale student named Jen Wood."

            Buffy looked at Callie closely.  Callie nodded her little head vigorously.  Buffy set her down.  

            "You're a Yale student?" she asked, not quite comprehending.

            "That's what I've been trying to tell you," Callie lisped.

            The three of them left the room to go talk with the others, trying to ascertain exactly why Jen Wood of all people had been sucked into the Buffyverse.

            The conversation was moving along fairly well, when all of a sudden, everyone in the room except for Callie started looking extremely confused.

            "Guys," she said, "what's going on?"

            "Half bit, isn't it about bedtime?" Spike asked.

            "Would you like a glass of milk?" Angel asked.  Jen's eyes flew open.  Milk?  That could only mean one thing…

            "How old am I?" she asked in a tiny voice.

            "Why, sweetie," Buffy said.  "You're seven."

            Jen groaned.  What in the world was going on here?  She took a deep breath.  "Okay, guys, Cliffs Notes: I'm a Yale student trapped in this body, and for some reason you can't seem to get that through your respective heads."  Callie started singing.  "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddly dee…"

            Lorne's eyes opened wide.

            "Sacred samoas and tailored pink suits!" he exclaimed.  "She's telling the truth, and we've all somehow forgotten it's true in the last five minutes!"

            Five minutes later, the same thing happened again.  

            The adults were all talking so loudly that she couldn't get a word in edge wise, so Jen decided to take action.  "How is Harvard like unprotected sex?" she asked loudly.

            Silence.  Everyone in the room stared at her.  "There's no such thing as, er, sex," Angel said.

            "Maybe not for you, nancy boy," Spike muttered.

            Callie repeated herself.  "How is Harvard like unprotected sex?"

            "How?" Gunn asked, overcome with curiosity.  Fred elbowed him in the stomach.

            "It's fun to get in," Jen said, smirking, "but you wish you hadn't come."  Everyone stared at her.  Fred giggled.

            "Now that I have your attention," Jen said, singing the words, "maybe we could come up with a solution to the problem at hand.  Someone has obviously cast some sort of veil spell on you guys."  

            "I have an idea," Angel said, raising his hand tentatively.  Five minutes later, it happened again.

            "Read your hands," Callie said.  Everyone complied.  In black sharpie, each of them had written: Callie is really a Yale student.  See other hand.

            The other hand said: Harvard sucks and Princeton doesn't matter.

            "But Princeton's ranked first in the US News and World Report," Fred said.

            Callie scoffed in her general direction.  "Klepto U," she muttered.

            "Never much liked Princeton," Spike said.  "And I bit a Harvard girl once.  Tasted nasty, that chit did."

            Spike was rewarded with a beaming smile from Callie, who crawled unabashedly into his lap.  Sometimes, it was hard for her to remember that she was really Jen Wood too.

            Callie, yawning, fell asleep, and five minutes later, when Spike and Buffy decided it was time to head home with the half bit, they carried her to the car.  Neither of them bothered to look at their hands.

            When Callie woke up, they were almost back in Sunnydale.  "What's going on?" she asked them.

            "Go back to sleep," Buffy said soothingly.  "You have school tomorrow."

            "School?!" Jen said.  "Read your hand."  

            Buffy stared at her hand.  "Apparently Harvard sucks," she said, "and Princeton doesn't matter."

            "Other hand," Callie groaned.  

            "It's all blurred," Buffy said.  

            "Spike?" Callie asked.

            "Harvard sucks, blah blah blah… sorry, half bit, I can't seem to read the other half either."  Jen Wood groaned.  College was one thing.  Elementary school was something entirely different.

TBC… PLEASE REVIEW!!!


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